Girls with Aspergers

AsperGirls!!!

This post is going to look at Girls with Aspergers. Sorry boys but I think you all get enough attention. The reason in my view that 4x more boys are diagnosed that girls is that the female characteristics differ to male, yet both use the same set of diagnostic tools, based upon the male characteristics.

Hopefully by the end of this post you will understand female ASD, and how whilst we seem to differ from the boys, we have the same issues, they just present differently.

I am going to use this table as a frame of reference and structure throughout this post. Obviously I'm not a professional, so most of the references will refer to me, as I am the main source of information I've got :)

Appearance/Personal Habits.

Many people have said to me 'You don't look like an Aspie'. That has always struck me as a bizarre comment; I have Aspergers, therefore I am exactly what an Aspie looks like!!! 

Those who know me will know, I do not wear things which are uncomfortable. If clothes are not necessary then I'll be at home in comfy pyjamas... I only bother with hair and makeup for special occasions too - it's just too much of a faff to do on an everyday basis. 

For boys, they tend to wear comfy clothes as a rule, so this may not be noticed as much in males.

I don't follow fashion at all, I wear what suits me and what is comfortable - I don't suffer discomfort at all.

In respect of the 'youthful appearance' I suppose my lack of 'dressing up' can make me look a bit younger - sometimes I get asked for ID for alcohol in the supermarket when I'm almost 25 - but not very often.

I definitely think the 'well-balanced animus' refers to me. I am a girl, I am confidently a girl, but I am not 'girly'. That is, whilst I know from magazines that girls are into fashion, hair and beauty, and socialising, I prefer to watch programs about cars, motor sport and I am often accepted as 'one of the lads'. However, I am a heterosexual girl, I just feel balanced.

I am very good at blending in, it is one of my worst faults. I find myself agreeing with people to fit in socially, or adjusting my accent so as to fit in with the crowd. I admit that after diagnosis I can recognise this in myself, whereas before I was diagnosed I would have argued that I had a personality. I now know who I am, but I know that only a small number of people know the true 'me'. 

I love nothing better than watching films intently. I like to escape into a faux-reality. Whilst I'm watching a film I'm not worrying about anything else in the world. I now try to watch a variety of different films, but I often revert to my childhood pattern of watching the same film numerous times back to back. I used to watch a tape to the end, rewind it and press play straight away!!

I like to have control over anything I'm doing, and if somebody interferes and breaks my train of thought I cannot start again and I have to abandon the project. Today I watched the F1, and Kimi Raikkonen summed up this feeling perfectly; 'Leave me alone, I know what I'm doing!' In short, if you want me to do something leave me to it; if you want it done your way, do it yourself!

I love nothing more than to be at home. If I didn't need money I could happily be at home all day every day. People say 'I need to work, I get bored'. This baffles me; my brain is always puzzling over something, I don't have time to get bored!!

Intellectual Life

As is suggested by this table, I fall under the umbrella of 'undiagnosed as a child, considered shy and gifted'. I was always ahead of my peers in terms of education. However, the lack of being able to study independently and no support due to no diagnosis means that I struggled once I started my GCSEs. I am capable of learning anything, I just need support to do so.

I don't consider myself to have a savant skill, although asking different friend and relatives obtains different responses to this question.

I have a wide range of interests, but these are very narrow and specific in nature; for example, I am interested in the history of the Royal family, but only the Royal family, no other history. I am also interested in sport, but only motor sport and athletics. These are some of my 'obsessions' (I hate using that phrase.)

I was able to read fluently before starting nursery school, and by the age of 7 I had fallen off the top of the 'reading age' scale. I have studied and been granted a degree. However, throughout my 5 years at uni I studied on 2 different courses and only stuck the second one out thanks to the support of my personal tutor. I am liable to go 'hot and cold' on my interests; I danced for 18 years, but now dancing doesn't interest me at all.

I am very daunted by the world of work. I have held down my current employment for 4 years now. However due to many changes in the workplace the stress became too much for me and I had to have 6 months off due to a nervous breakdown. 

I have always been considered intelligent, but I lack a huge amount of 'common sense'. I understand things in the end, I'm just a bit slow at working things out. Because of this people think I'm a bit dim, but I'm more intelligent than I seem. Because of this, I have to learn by doing; telling me something does not guarantee I'll remember.

Emotional/Physical Life

Emotionally, I am a wreck. I am really incapable of coping with life. Even now, my psychologist is trying to encourage me to take some more time off work to recuperate, as I'm not getting any better. I am very masculine in that I don't speak of my problems until they bubble over. My emotional set-up is weak; I suffer with depression, anxiety, and a whole host of other mental health issues. 

Sensory issues are the bane of my life!!! The rest of being an Aspie I wouldn't change, as it's who I am, but I wish I didn't have sensory issues. Hearing every sound that happens in work, the phones all ringing, alarms going off on display items, the shredder being used, that man tapping the pen, the beeping buttons on chip and pin machines, people talking, background music....The list goes on!!! It drives me insane. I wish I could stomach more foods, I wish I could turn my sense of smell off, and my texture detectors in my mouth. I also want to find somebody else who tastes colours. Apparently this is more common that you'd think. I'll do a more in depth post about this soon.

I have a list of allergies so long that I can't get a medic-aid band, and severe gastro-intestinal issues. Every year I seem to accumulate a new medicine I'm allergic to, or a new food which makes me ill.

I have always been known to get restless legs when agitated; that is, my foot wobbles up and down, or my knees shudder. I am less active when happy, just jumping up and down for a short stretch of time; my stimming is mostly caused by my anxiety and stresses.

Meltdowns are something that affect me on a grand scale. So much so, that I will discuss these in depth in my next blog post. This can be caused by miscommunication and misunderstanding, or by stress and anxiety, feeling overwhelmed.

When I get very upset I do shut down, I can't speak, and the frustration I am shown due to my not speaking only exacerbated the situation. When I am stressed I am more likely to melt down, I shut down to silence more when I'm upset.

Social Relationships

I struggle with social relationships to an extreme level. I have only one friend who I trust wholeheartedly, and only a select few who I trust mostly. Even my family outside of my immediate family is a strained relationship.

I can be outspoken, but usually to negative reviews. So after this I become almost silent. I like to be quiet, I like to quietly assess the situation and to be aware of everything that is going on. 

In social situations where my best friend is there I can usually cope as she provides me with a source of sensibility, and will maintain a conversation which allows me to shut down and regroup myself. This allows me to recharge my social battery ready to re-engage with people around me.

I only tend to go out with one particular friend. We don't do girly stuff, we tend to go to ASDA!!! 

I do want to have a relationship, but it is too much of a stress. They would interfere with my routines; I need to find myself a happy place before I allow anybody to join me in it!!!

I would gladly spend my entire life with dogs if I could; unfortunately my sensory issues mean that I can't deal with their excrement. We have a family dog but I spend time with him at home and never walk him alone as I can't deal with the poo.

So there we have it...

This post became a lot more self centred that I'd anticipated. 

However, I think that, on balance, it gives a lot of evidence towards my being an Aspie. Just goes to show, you don't need to 'look' like an Aspie to have the  difficulties. 

This picture sums up my point entirely: